Our September Faves
Popcorn that tastes like breakfast, chess that looks like Super Mario world, whisky that’s made from Dragon tears. Check out our top picks for September.
Super Mario Chess
Admittedly, learning how to play chess has slipped a few places down our to-do list – currently residing somewhere between deep cleaning the oven and learning how to speak Portuguese. But nothing could inspire us to pick up that pawn again quite like having this beauty land on our desks.
Opening up the fancy collector’s tin and we were greeted with an array of intricate vinyl recreations of all our favourite Mario characters. Coins and shrooms as pawns (naturally), with the rest of the gang making up the classic chess line-up. If you’ve always been unsure which chess peace does what – things are a bit to get a whole lot more interesting.
“Erm you can’t do that”
“Erm, I think you’ll find Princess Peach is a bishop”
Some of us were always pretty terrible at Mario cart, so a cerebral battle of wits was a welcome to chance to right some wrongs. Doesn’t matter how big Bowser is now does it? Or how nimble Toad is? DOES IT?!
Extremely detailed, officially licensed merchandise to do our favourite plumber proud? That’s what we like to see. Oh and we always knew Luigi was a Queen.
Sleeping Dino Mug
It’s damn fine at holding your favourite drinks, but this sleepy little sweetheart is not merely just a mug. We like it best when it’s stuffed to the brim with earthy soil and overflowing greenery. Our personal favourite addition is a suitably spiny succulent to make a nice crest for the wee fella. Why?
Just imagine waking up from a nap to find that your entire species has been dead for 66 million years.
You are totally and utterly alone in the world.
You involuntarily curl into the foetal position, the beginnings of wobbly sobs quaking in your chest – until you feel an unfamiliar protrusion. What’s that on your back?
Still trembling, you reach around. Your fingers (?) grasp something bendy.
Oh. It’s a crest. You’ve got a crest. A spiky, spiny, spooky, spunky crest.
And your crushing existential devastation has faded, gone in a puff of green, leafy, cresty smoke.
Lovely. If that harrowing image doesn’t make you want to buy that mug and put a succulent in it then we dunno what will.
Cheese on Toast Popcorn
“How did they do it?”
“Why are we shrieking at a bag of popcorn?”
That’s what we all said. Stood in a circle, glaring at the opened, disemboweled sample packet on the day it first arrived at the Firebox office.
The makers of this popcorn, Joe & Seph, have squeezed the gooey goodness of hundreds of slices of cheese on toast into popcorn. Magic.
Every satisfying crunch is like cramming a piece of cheesy-bready majesty into your mouth in one go. Minus the undignified spluttering and choking hazard. Grab a bag and indulge.
Dragon Tears Whisky
We gave you a snack, so it’s only right that we hit you with a chaser. Something to wash it all down with. Something sophisticated, yet sweet… ethereal, but substantial…
A shot of our Dragon Tears whisky is just what the alchemist ordered. Every single sip is infused with lashings of smoky oak and cinnamon to tingle your taste buds. Like all of our Mythical Tears spirit drinks, the delicious tears of sad old Smaug shimmer and sparkle when you give them a stir. Or a shake, if you’re James Bond.
A truly mythical multi-sensory experience in every sip. How’s that for a magical cocktail concoction?
These sad little chaps are the ultimate finishing touch for your desk. You’re so collected that you’ve graduated mere organisation to the big leagues: zany decorations. Nothing says <i>“I’ve got my shit together”</i> more than a tasteful office mascot to keep your spirits high.
Don’t pin your hopes on any one of them in particular, each box contains a completely random pose. Will you get one that can gloomily perch on your computer monitor? One that can act as a melancholy book end? No idea.
Best buy six of them to make sure you don’t end up with the one doing the goatse pose.