Our Gift Guide for the Love Island finalists.
In the last week they’ve dismembered babies and grappled with the lie detector – but in less than a week they’ll be back to reality. If we could meet them at the airport, this is what we’d greet them with.
Disclaimer! This gift guide was written on Friday so if you read it on Sunday it may contain a couple that’s been evicted from the Island. (Alex and Alex? Probably. Oh well!)
Alex and Alexandra
Oh hell, the doctor can perform life-saving surgery but he can’t twerk for shit. Stiff as a board. He needs some practice.
We’re still not exactly sure what happened between the sheets but something was definitely fondled. As Alex is utterly asexual, Alexandra might be better off with a pair of Nice Balls – they even come in a very fetching “Dr Alex pink”.
Alex should probably give Alexandra one of these for good measure.
Jack and Dani
This year’s winners Our favourite couple love having the occasional pointless heated argument. We reckon a cup of our Calm the Fuck Down Tea should help take the edge off their next explosive row.
Jack is basically an encyclopaedia of useless/interesting information so we reckon this game is right up his street. We also don’t sell anything to do with bird watching.
Wes and Megan:
Jizz the Game – the “game” where a plastic penis is jerked to completion by multiple people. Is there a more fitting gift for the founding member of the Do Bits Society?
Only 19% of the public think they’ll last outside the villa. It’s time to take their relationship to the next level. Megan’s already said ‘I love you’ to Wes – what more can she do? How about ‘I fucking love you’.
Laura and Paul
Laura licked it so it’s hers, nuff said.
When Paul randomly announced that he made out with Britney, the nation collectively found him at least 50% more attractive. He needs some Britney Socks so he’s always got half-decent excuse to bring up that anecdote. “Oh what these old things? Yeah i made out with Britney once.”
Josh and Kaz.
The public think they’re too smug. And they’re right. But it’s okay because Kaz thinks it could be the “good kind of smug”. A Monster Mushion to match their inflated egos should go down a treat. #smuggy
Being the enthusiastic father figure that he is – our Baby Mop is the perfect present for Josh and little Prince.